i was supposed to have this post before the year 2011 ends but since i rarely have time to sit in front of the computer and blog about what had happened to my life, i was not able to do so; as to the contents, i already had planned it monthss before pa. so then, i decided that after the chinese new year, i must find time to already publish this post.
basically my first entry for the year 2012 is all about what transpired in my 2011.
it was bad but fortunately it was not that worst since i was able to end the year right, i guess.
FAMILY. FRIENDS. SCHOOL. LOVE
four aspects of my life that i wish to share so i can fully have a fresh new start this new year because i believe that in order for you to be able to open other gates of opportunities and experience, you must first close those previous ones particularly those injects bad vibes to you :)
family.
it is only the previous year that i get to spend a lot with my family compared to the previous years. i was always eager when we have family outings; eager to initiate our christmas party; eager to play with my cousins and other family-related stuff. well, i guess the reason for this eagerness is my hidden desire that maybe someday i can bring back what was our family before, full of joy, togetherness and love. we still have that, but the togetherness? i don't know. i always cling to that memory during my childhood years when i get to play with my cousins morning till late afternoon, talk with my aunts until someone gives up, make kulitan with my uncle and all those good memories.
i have no disturbing issues with my relatives on my mother's side but sometimes i wonder, if my mother was still alive, would there be changes? would we still continue to be that cheerful aquino? would our side matter to my mother's mother and siblings? i just realized that from among my mother's siblings, my mother was the simplest and i won't stop to brag about it. i just sometimes feel jealous with my aunt and uncle together with my cousins who can travel, spend their vacation out of town. in short, was financially capable than my mother. i thought after the passing of my mother, we would be closer. we had and we are but sometimes i always feel that we were left out compared to when mommy was still alive. i just had many hopes- that maybe i can bring back those times when we gather and divide equally chocolates given by my aunt, laugh on top of our lungs for many stories my aunts and uncles childhood experiences. but i am still happy that even if that togetherness is no that strong anymore, it is still present and would never be questioned. :)
in addition, i also have some issues with my father's brother [my uncle] and nieces and nephews. i guess it has been 2 years now since that dispute. it started from the cousin-to-cousin fight and ended with auntie-uncle fight. sometimes i regret having to report all the wrongdoings of my cousins to my father, since that is when it all started but at the same time i feel that if i haven't reported it, i'll regret it for my entire life, they will not be caught and be taught of values. it just pains to know that in as much as we want to help them, morally or/and financially, we just can't... we just don't want for the very reason that they totally become dependent to anybody else and doesn't even know how to give gratitude in the end. if we also fail to help them, they make us feel that we are the most selfish people alive. the issue does not just revolve around them not showing gratitude and blaming us but moreover, they don't take care of the help that was given to them, the help often times put to waste and worst, rejected.
so much about my relatives, now more of my father and my two sisters and me as a daughter and a sister.
actually i guess i can be considered the eldest in the family because i guess i hold more responsibility in our house compared to my ate, who now earns which makes the only difference between me and her.
most of the time, i get pissed off with my sisters... imagine my class is from monday to saturday, and by weekends i need to wash all of our clothes, and before the week starts, iron them. what man? i ain't their yaya but it feels that i am one in our house. buti sana kung yun lang, when i just fail to soak my uniform in the water, my father shouts and reprimands me. when i fail to wake up early to wash our clothes [since the water distribution in our community happens only between 5am-7:30am and 4:30pm-6pm], he then gets angry and shout at me. i can't have the washing in the afternoon since my class ends at 7.30. if i throw the responsibility to my other sisters and complain why i need to do all the household chores, he then again gets angry and tell me that i need not to compare things and just do my responsibility wholeheartedly. yaya na kung yaya talaga ito. and worst, he really wake me up just to the washing without even offering me to take first my breakfast. ask what are my sisters doing? uhm, my ate is fast asleep same with the youngest sister. i tidy the house but my younger sister untidy it. sometimes i thought that maybe daddy was angry at me for choosing mommy over him when asked who i want to live longer with and my obvious answer is mommy. but i guess it is too much already, what i learned last 2011 that maybe i just have to take that responsibility without complaints, that maybe it will help me refine myself and mold be in becoming a better person and having that principle that if i can do it, then why not just do it. complaints and comparing is still there, i know it can be erased right away but i hope that maybe someday, daddy can appreciate everything i do even just for once.
friends.
i am forever thankful to my friends for without them, i might get loco now, i might have suffered from a psychological disorder. though they are not always there to lend a listening ear when i am down but i know they will be there when i desperately need them. but among those friends i have, there's this particular person i owe half of what i believe now and that is my bestfriend, shian. sad to say, 2011 was not a good year for our friendship. i can only count the days when we had the chance to communicate and catch up the things we have missed. i just don't know what went wrong or did something wrong really happened...or maybe because we were both too preoccupied with our own lives... i tried to reach out, tried to bridge the gap but i guess i fail. i wondered if i did or say something wrong to her but i just can't find any. i am not that of person who gets pushy or maybe beg for answers because i believe that if you love a person [romantic, family or friends], you must learn to respect whatever decisions they have regardless of whether it will benefit you or them or both of you. and i also believe that before we became friends, we had our own lives, her as a daughter, a friend, a classmate and teacher. i cannot demand from her to be my 24/7 bestfriend because i need to understand that she has also a life apart from our friendship. actually i already understand that, that's why i am not pushy but i just miss her and how i report to her what had happened to my day and how she cheers me up during the super most darkest to the nth power moments of my life. she has that power and that the first thing i miss now. i just hope this 2012, the old days will come back or if not, i just wish i can find light to my questions. one thing i am sure about, i'll keep the promises we had and one by one i'll fulfill the dreams we once created.
i may forever not be a sister or daughter but i know for a fact that i'll forever be a FRIEND.
school.
my first semester for my third year in college was really devastating. sad t say, i had to retake my major subject. i have a lot of regrets, that maybe i could have done better, or studied harder, or was able to manage my time more wisely. in as much as i want to blame other things or people because of this tragedy i went through, but at the end of the day, it still boils down to how i have been those times. i became so hopeless, problems in the family bothers me everyday and i can't just find a way to bring back the me, the one who is eager and confident to survive the challenges that may come in between. worst, i had to eat my pride. i felt ashamed given that i graduated salutatorian in high school, then i flank my major subject.
right now, i am still in the process of resurrecting back what was taken away from me-the real me, the hopeful and competitive me. i always believe that for every success story lies a tragic one. i assured myself that i won't let my father down and i'll make it a point that i'll graduate as BSAccountancy student by March 2014. *fingers crossed with a bucket-ful of hopes and determination.
love.
talk about the romantic side- a subject that is too complicated to talk about. i have nothing much to say about this because at present there is no one i am romantically involved with. haha :))
for a life to be happy, one must be able to balance those four mentioned above. it maybe difficult, having to risk one aspect in order to give way to another but at the end of it, atleast you learned how to weigh benefits over detriments and be able to understand each importance in once life.
i may night be able to have that balance in life but i believe it does not hinder me to find true happiness.
live. laugh. love
school.
my first semester for my third year in college was really devastating. sad t say, i had to retake my major subject. i have a lot of regrets, that maybe i could have done better, or studied harder, or was able to manage my time more wisely. in as much as i want to blame other things or people because of this tragedy i went through, but at the end of the day, it still boils down to how i have been those times. i became so hopeless, problems in the family bothers me everyday and i can't just find a way to bring back the me, the one who is eager and confident to survive the challenges that may come in between. worst, i had to eat my pride. i felt ashamed given that i graduated salutatorian in high school, then i flank my major subject.
right now, i am still in the process of resurrecting back what was taken away from me-the real me, the hopeful and competitive me. i always believe that for every success story lies a tragic one. i assured myself that i won't let my father down and i'll make it a point that i'll graduate as BSAccountancy student by March 2014. *fingers crossed with a bucket-ful of hopes and determination.
love.
talk about the romantic side- a subject that is too complicated to talk about. i have nothing much to say about this because at present there is no one i am romantically involved with. haha :))
for a life to be happy, one must be able to balance those four mentioned above. it maybe difficult, having to risk one aspect in order to give way to another but at the end of it, atleast you learned how to weigh benefits over detriments and be able to understand each importance in once life.
i may night be able to have that balance in life but i believe it does not hinder me to find true happiness.
live. laugh. love
